Snopes Don’t Fail Me Now

My inbox is often cluttered with e-mails warning about the medicines I should remove from my bathroom, murderers jumping into the back seat of my car while I get fuel and killer clowns hiding in my bedroom. Because of these e-mails, I find myself at Snopes quite often.

For those unfamiliar with Snopes (Where have you been? Stop forwarding this crap to me!!) you can basically search for keywords and they’ll tell you whether it’s accurate information or just more BS that you should ignore.

I was always impressed with the amount of time they put into researching. Until…. today….

Did someone forget to send them the memo??

The world would be a better place if we could all see the world through the eyes of children… and Snopes…

Hodgepodge

This will be my first post in my new section called Hodgepodge. It’s sort of like Random Thoughts but, I like the word hodgepodge, so I’m going with that. (FYI - I just read this post from start to finish and it was non-stop, who gives a crap jabbering*. I almost bored myself to sleep. I promise not to get mad if you just turn around and run.)

I think I like Spam. Is it spam, Spam or SPAM?

(*This is the only NON who cares part of the post cuz it’s totally awesome!!) I won a prize in a blog giveaway. My very first one ever and I’m super excited!! The giveaway was hosted by Gina at My Very Last Nerve. The prize was a DVD set of the series The Planet Earth. Squeee!! THANK YOU GINA!! I got my prize in the mail today/yesterday and my DVD player is in Arkanas, and I’m in Illinois. Boo!!!

Is it still today since I haven’t gone to bed yet? Or am I now living in tomorrow? Did I just confuse you as badly as I confused myself?

Today was the first time in months that I looked at the stats for my gaming site. I was surprised to see that there were over 300 pages loaded today. It surprises me because I haven’t updated the site or advertised for it in over 6 months.

It doesn’t matter where The Ol’ Man is dispatched to drive. No matter the state, there will be crappy weather. I mean, since when does Texas freeze over?

Gina found some crazy strong bubble-wrap to send my new DVDs in. The kids were fighting over who got to pop it until they realized that their mom couldn’t even get a bubble to pop.

It doesn’t matter when The Ol’ Man is suppose to park his truck and come home. He will always be at least a day late because the people who are suppose to load his trailer like to jack around while he sits in their dock waiting. Arriving early is pointless but arriving late is a death sentence.

Frogger’s swing’s batteries are about to die. I wonder who tied the string to the back of it.

Why doesn’t your nose grow when you inform a child that their nose will grow if they fib?

I could really go for some sPaM right about now.

I’m only kidding about the SpAm.

Noggin (a kid’s t.v. channel) gets really irritating at 1:45 a.m.

It’s 1:45 a.m. and the remote is way over there. *points 4 feet away*

Yesterday, Boogie told me that she liiiiiked me. Then she informed me that she loooooves Daddy. *sigh*

I like blogs with titles that I can relate to & words like snot and booger. For example Wiping Up Snot, A Schmitty Life, Baby Boogers, Idiot’s Stew, Poop on Jelly and Who Put Me In Charge Of These People???

I very rarely link to a site without putting target=”_blank” in the code and it irritates the piss out of me when people disable the right click on their site. I hate hate HATE not being able to right click and “open in a new tab” Why do people do that? There’s nothing on your site that you’re preventing me from stealing just because you disabled right click. Is it your source code that you’re hiding? Trying to prevent me from stealing an image? What is it?? and stop doing it!!!

Someone threw an empty Smarties wrapper on my desk and now I wish I had some Smarties.

My governor was impeached… and I think it’s funny and should happen more often.

I have 79 subscriptions on my reader and as of 2 minutes ago, there were zero new posts to read. Now… there are 37. I think my reader is broked-ed-ed.

Brought To You By The Letter T

Stacie from Stacie’s Madness found a fun blogging game to play and I decided I’d give it a try. Here are the rules as she explained them in her post.

It’s called “Brought to you by the letter…” game. You leave a comment (asking for a letter) on this post, and I’ll assign you a letter. You write about ten things you love that begin with your assigned letter, and post it at your place. When people comment on your list, you give them a letter, and the chain continues on and on.

Stacie’s hat picked the letter T for me. My first thought was “Is it cheating if I say The moon, The stars?” My 2nd thought was “I wish I used my kids’ real names on this blog because that would take care of #1 and #2.

So…. Here I go.

1. Tiny feet. Itty bitty tiny baby feet are one of my most favorite things in the world. There are only 2 left in my house and they will be the last until I become a grandma.

2. Tendrils of hair like my Boogie has.

3. Thongs

3. Thin slices of ham. I hate huge hunks of ham! I really do!

Am I cheating? My Ts seem to be adjectives instead of nouns & verbs. This is way harder than I thought it was gonna be.

4. Toyota Trucks because they remind me of when I met The Ol’ Man and the first time he let me drive his precious truck. Yeah, that’s how you know when they love you. It’s when they hand over the keys to their babies.

5. Text Messages on Yahoo. That’s what I spend the majority of my time doing while I’m on the computer.

6. Toys that find their way to the toy box on their own, without my assistance and without being stepped on before they decide that their place is not in the middle of my floor.

7. Trouble Makers

7. Themes & Templates. Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a huge obsession with searching through templates and creating my own.

8. Tadpole (The Ol’ Man’s real nickname) (I should move this up to #1 or 2 but I’m too lazy.)

9. TV Judges & Crime Shows - Hopelessly addicted to Judge Judy and Law & Order. I especially love SVU.

10. This game

10. Tenacious D - I love Jack Black to death.

Okay - That seriously was way harder than I thought it would be. I spent the last half hour saying “Tuh Tuh Tuh Tuh”

Wanna give it a try?

*ETA - I’ll update this with the links to the completed games. You can either come back and let me know you’re done or just wait until it shows up in my reader and then I’ll add it. And I decided I’d post a comment on your blog and use the first letter of your captcha to assign your letter.

Melanie D got the letter L

Spam To The Rescue

Luigi is home from school again today. Poor kid was still sick this morning when he woke up. He seems much better now. In fact, he just finally ate again for the first time in a couple days. He chowed down a Spam sandwich. Yes, that’s right. I said Spam.

I don’t make a habit of buying Spam. The Ol’ Man is a truck driver and I bought this can thinking it would be something he could take with him on the road. Well, he didn’t take it with him, so it’s been sitting in my pantry ever since.

Luigi is a really piss me off* picky eater. I offered him at least 10 different meal ideas for lunch and he turned them all down. Then he decided to go look for himself. What does he come back with but this can of Spam.

“No, you can’t eat that. It’s at least 6 months old.” Then it dawned on me that this stuff is suppose to have the shelf life of a Twinkie & will be what the cockroaches are living off of when we humans die from nuclear warfare. I checked the expiration date and it said Dec 2010. Woohoo, we’re in business. The kid hasn’t eaten in two days and needs something in his stomach. If the boy wants Spam… he’s gettin’ Spam.

I got out my griddle and some cheese thinking I’ll fry it and make sandwiches out of it. As I’m fighting to get this hunk of meat out of its can, Luigi says “You’re not gonna cook that are you?”

“Uhm… Yes. You have to cook it.”

“Popo doesn’t cook it.”

– Tune in today at 3 for another episode of 1001 Ways To Cook Spam, with your host, Luigi’s grandpa.

So again, I read the can. “Fully cooked, ready to eat, cold or hot” Woohoo. But wait. What’s this?? “Please do not use if…” I started back at the beginning of the paragraph so I wouldn’t miss the FULL warning before I fed this stuff to my children.

Just below the diagrams of how to make a delicious Spamburger, which direction to slice your Spam and just how thick you should slice it (based on if you’re an infant or a linebacker) it said “So. Now you know another of the many secrets of SPAM. This knowledge carries much responsibility. It gives you the power to feed yourself and others. You wield a delicious skill that has far-reaching consequences. Please do not use it for evil.”

Lurkers beware! I have Spam and I know how to use it!!

*Note - I typed the span style for that strike-through and couldn’t figure out why it wouldn’t work. Turns out I wrote spam instead of span.

My First Wordless Wednesday - The Monsters Reveal Themselves

Feeling Guilty

No - It’s not gonna be a juicy story… sorry….. just some blog brain guilt.

Something I try not to do is to leave links to my own posts/pages/sites in other people’s comments. But you know what…. in the past hour…. I did it not once, but twice!! What the heck’s up with that?

But dangit… I have good reason! The first post I was replying to was about laughter & the 2nd post had the word ‘crap’ in it twice. My comments included hints to go watch the video that I have in the sidebar of Text Imps right now.

That video has caused countless hours of laughter in my house over the past couple days. I was even asked to download it and put it on Luigi’s mp4 player. That was fine by me because it meant he’d stop asking to use my computer to watch the youtube channel over and over…. and over…

And as far as ‘crap’, well, the little piggy in the video says Aww Crap. And it cracks me up every single time!!! He says it in some of his other videos, too and again, I laugh every single time!

Alright… I feel a little better now that I got that off of my chest. And I promise I won’t do it again… Promise…

If You’re Nuts, You’re Squirrel Bait

Do you ever find yourself reading a post and thinking “That’s just wrong.  Wrong and borderline crazy.”?  Is your next thought somewhere along the lines of “My thirst for insane comedy has not been quenched and I hope he writes more stories like this soon”?  I hope you answered yes to those questions because that’s what I’m handing you for our Post of the Week.

Like last week, you lucky readers are getting a trilogy. The story comes from the creative mind of cIII at the Goat and Tater. It revolves around two ambitious squirrels.  And let me tell you, Alvin, Simon & Theodore aint got nothin’ on these two little foul mouthed critters.

These three posts are just a small look into cIII’s “silly” side.  He often writes posts that are far deeper in meaning.  He really is a magnificent author and you can expect to see more of cIII here at Text Imps.  But don’t wait around for us to feature him again.  Go ahead and subscribe to his feed so you don’t miss out.

Part 1 - Panic amongst Wet Leaves
Part 2 - The Saga Continues
Part 3 - Representation

Visit the Goat and Tater
Subscribe to cIII’s Atom Feed or RSS Feed or you can Follow Him here

Life With Tony

My last trip through the blogosphere went something like this… Click.Click. Read. Find a different blog.  Click. Read. *sigh*  Click. Read. Laugh hysterically!  E-mail the link to everyone I know.  Read another post from the same author.  Laugh so hard that I end up waddling to the bathroom with my legs crossed, just praying that I’ll make it before I wet myself and have to explain why Mom just peed in the middle of the living room floor.

When I came back to the computer, I spent the next three hours reading one post after another at Life With Tony. More than once, I had to wipe the tears from my eyes and gain my composure again before I could continue reading.  Most of these tears were caused by outbursts of laughter but a few were also the result of some very sad and touching posts.

Maybe it was Tony’s personal style of writing that made me hang out so long.  Maybe it was the fact that I love me some potty humor, especially when it’s written in such a manner that I don’t have to cover my screen when children start gathering around demanding to know “What’s so funny?”  Or maybe… just maybe… it was Tony’s Jedi mind powers that wouldn’t let me leave.  Whatever it was, I’m glad I hung out because now, I have a great author to feature this week.

Read one of my favorite posts so far
Visit Life With Tony
Subscribe to Tony’s Atom 1.0 Feed or RSS 2.0 Feed

How Text Imps Got Its Start

Four score and seven years ago….

Okay, more like 4 months and 7 days ago… I was having a clickfest and checking out one blog after another. I came upon a post that brought me to tears. I immediately copied the link and e-mailed it to a few friends. Twenty minutes later, I sat at my desk, in fits of laughter. Again I copied the link and sent it. An hour passed and three more e-mails were sent out. Are you starting to see a pattern?

The next morning, one of my unlucky e-mail victims jokingly sent me a reply that said she loved all of the posts but maybe next time I should wait until I’m done for the night and I should send all of the links at once. Fine. Point made. Point taken.

A few weeks later, at the end of another trip through the blogosphere, I sent another e-mail. This one contained links to blogs, individual posts and funny profiles. I had stumbled on some of the most fabulous writers and I couldn’t stand the thought of keeping such great reading material to myself. It’s better than talkin’ about the weather, right?

Again, I got a reply from that same friend. “Those writers are awesome! I’m gonna subscribe to most of them. I’m definitely NOT subscribing to ‘Blog Name Removed For Fear of Public Beat Down‘. I can’t believe you thought ‘Post Name Removed For Fear of Flogging‘ was so funny. That guy’s a few french fries short of a Happy Meal.” Hey, what can I say? We have different opinions about what’s funny and what should just be deleted.

Her letter continued “I liked 99% of what I read and forwarded your links to a few people. You know, you’re always looking for a new website project. Maybe that should be it. You could put all of those ‘good’ links on one website and maybe even let other people submit the ones they think are great. There are too many talented writers out there that aren’t getting the kudos they deserve. By the way, did you notice that ‘good’ was in quotes? Feel free to run the links by me before you suggest them to other people. Your taste is… uhm… we’ll just say unique.”

Shortly after reading her message I wrote her a sweet little letter about where she could stick her moderating skilz. I also sent her all of the gross, distasteful and downright disgusting post links that I’d bookmarked for my own pleasure.

She replied with “OMG!!! That 8th link was hilarious!” Hmm… 8th link huh? I guarantee you that links 1-7 were downright shiver me timbers gross. But she continued reading. She’s a smart woman. I know that she figured out after the first 2 reads that I was sending nothing but ‘unique’ links. But she kept reading. *snickers* She liked it. You know she did. I love that woman. LOL

And now you have it. The story behind how Text Imps got its start.

For those who think some of the posts I link to are disgusting, go ahead and send me a note. I’d be more than happy to send you my friend’s address so you can inform her that she’s falling behind on her monitoring duties.

Don’t forget that it’s Monday. How could ya right? Back to work… Yuck! But the good news is, our new featured authors are up at Text Imps.

*Side Note ~ Gross, distasteful & disgusting may have different meanings for you and I. I promise that no links to illegal or pornographic materials were sent. I’m not that crude!

Boobie Boogers

I wanted to do this whole Fun With Google thing that I saw at Scientific Nature of the Whammy. But as I started doing my searches, I realized that my name has been taken over by one article after another about Christina Aguilera. So instead… you get to hear about boobie boogers.

This morning, Frogger woke up totally ticked off. She was screaming non-stop at the top of those powerful little lungs of hers. First, I checked to see if she was pulling her own hair, which she has a tendency to do. Yeah, she gets a handful of her hair, gives it a tug and since it hurts so badly, her arms start flailing and pulling harder and harder and she gets more and more pissed. Poor thing. I hope she figures it out soon!

Anyways, checked that her hair wasn’t entangled in her little fist. All was fine. Then I undressed her and changed her diaper & clothes. Usually this calms her down and she’ll start giving me those precious newborn smiles, but she didn’t calm down at all. So I picked her up and was cradling her in my arms and she started rooting like she hadn’t been fed since she was born 2 months ago.

I took her and laid down on the bed next to her and she started giving me hell. This isn’t your typical little “I’m hungry” baby cry. No, no. She yells in short little segments like she’s saying “Hurry the hell up! You’re taking to long. What’re you doing? Quit screwing off. Can’t you tell I’m hungry?”

I get all set up and comfy and she gives me one last angry “Meh.na.blee.fu” and she latches on. She’s going to town and I’m thinking “This is gonna really suck when she gets older and stronger. I won’t live through it if she continues trying to suck my heart out through my chest!”

She’s sucking so hard that she has pretty much stopped breathing. And then she lets out this huge breath. Along with the air comes this huge, nasty, green, slimy, snotty looking booger. Eww gross!! Now, being the mom of 5, boogers & snot don’t really bother me anymore. But this was the first time I’d seen a booger shoot out of a nose and straight onto my boob. Bluck!

So I take my pinky nail and go to fetch this glob of goo off of myself. As I go to pick it up, Frogger inhaled really deep and sucked the damn thing right back up her nose. Bah…

About 5 seconds later, she exhaled and the booger shot out again. So, again, I go in to get it off of me. And again, she sucks it back up her nose. Have you ever had to time booger snatching? Yeah… not fun, is it?

This happened at least 5 more times in the span of a minute. Me, staring intently, waiting for the booger to reappear and Frogger screwing with me for making her wait so long to eat. It was at this time that I realized that my 11+ years of booger retrieval studies were failing me. It was also at this time that I realized that Boogie, my 3 year old, was really becoming independant. She goes after her own boogers now. She doesn’t need her mommy anymore. *sigh*

On another note… This morning, after getting a few comments, e-mails and IM messages that my new design on Text Imps was “yay” and not “yuck”, I went to look at my counter stats. Zero?? Zero hits?? Really? Were these people just yanking my chain? WTH? That aint nice. But suuuuuuuurely they wouldn’t really do that.

Then, it dawned on me that in order to actually have stats tracked, you have to remember to put the tracker code on your site somewhere. Derrrrr

Thank you to those who went and checked out the new layout. And sorry for doubting you. Shame on me!!!

Next Page »